In the grand scheme of things, there are three things that piss me off.
1. Eating makes you fat.
2. Wrinkle creams don’t work.
3. Being “the shit” means you get SHIT piled upon you.
Okay, I fully recognize that eating in general does not HAVE to make you fat. It only makes me fat. ME. I get fat. When I eat. Let that sink in a bit. It does not matter what I eat – I get fat. My body hates me. Shut up – I know full well that if I eat healthy, I’ll be healthy. Don’t judge me. Where is the balance really? I don’t like healthy food. I don’t want to eat only healthy food. I want to eat FOOD food. You know, real food. And thus, the fat. Fuck me!
On to wrinkle creams. What. The. Fuck. Is getting all wrinkle-y and dried up really a requirement of being middle aged? I think not. So why in the name of God don’t anti-wrinkle products work like they should? It’s like a cruel joke from the wrinkle Gods. Fuck you, old ass – look old! Sigh. I think I have PMS.
So, the real topic of this post – #3. See, when I started this non-existent blog which is read by only one person regularly (because she loves me), the premise behind it was to focus only on the corporate grind. THAT is what good ol’ #3 is all about. I’m the SHIT. I am that person – the person who gets SHIT done. The backlash of that is that I only get more SHIT handed to me. Am I using the word SHIT too much? Is that even possible?
A very WISE person once said to me (like 20 minutes ago) that I should learn to say NO. And she’s right. She’s also the only mother fucker that reads this blog. Ironic? Maybe. Or not. I’m not even sure my brain can process irony properly, because I’m buried in SHIT. Is there a Guiness record for using the word shit?
I’m not good at saying no. Unless you count in the bedroom. TMI? Sorry. See, I am a workaholic – I work, that’s what I do. And when presented with a challenge, I take it. And I kick its ass. The issue is that when you are THAT person, they (they are the corporate nazis) keep piling it on. Because they can. And because they fully recognize that when you are THAT person, you just keep taking it.
There’s not really a point to this story. Other than to say that in the grand scheme of thing, being pissed off is better than being pissed on. Unless you ARE being pissed on. In which case, you are basically getting fucked. Unless you are fucking yourself. Which is like the weirdest case of masturbation in the workplace ever.
Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have even written this post. But I did – so move on. PS – if you happen to have a legitimate wrinkle cream that works, speak up. I could use a silver lining.